Sep 13, 2016

♥ Kalem ♥



"For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb...
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them."

—Psalm 139:13,16



Those words never affected me as much as they did last Tuesday when I read them through my tears.  Over and over.  In Your book they all were written...when as yet there were none of them.  None of them.  None of them.

While you were reading my post about the Life of Jesus Christ, thinking how strong I was, how life seemed to be so perfect for me, I felt torn in two. It was first time I had ever experienced loss.



Living on a farm, I've gone through the deaths of many beloved pets.  Day-old lambs and goats who died in the midst of the frozen snow before we knew they existed.  Long-time dogs who were older than I was; companions who had only one desire - to be caressed, loved, and petted.  So many other dear animals have been taken away from us.  It's just a fact of life.

But when it's a person—a real human being—the loss is so much deeper.

Last Tuesday, God chose to take my unborn sibling, Kalem, into heaven to live with Him forever in a place with no tears, no pain, and no fear.  Our 61-day old baby was miscarried before we ever had the chance to see him.

It was hard.  It was painful.  It was emotionally draining.  That day, it was all I could do to keep the tears at bay and try to be strong.  I felt so empty.  How can you love someone you've never seen, never even spoken to?  How can they break your heart so?

But even during the loss, I learned so, so much.  And now, I can honestly say that I wouldn't have traded Kalem's short life for anything.  The tears of joy, the smiles, the long nights spent dreaming about him...it was worth the pain of losing him.  Kalem’s short life brought so much joy into mine and into many others around me.

This post isn't about me.  It isn't about last Tuesday.  No, what I really want is just to share what I learned through this trial.  The things God showed me.  I can only hope that if you are going through a similar valley, these thoughts will encourage you to press on.  No matter how painful, heartbreaking, or devastating it might feel.

This is what I learned.  This is what Kalem's short life taught me.

He is always with us.  Always.  As I sat with my Bible after receiving the news, one verse stood out in particular to me.
"Jesus wept."—John 11:35

This is the shortest and probably one of the least appreciated passages in the Bible.  Jesus wept.  He cried.  He felt pain deep inside of Him and had to let it out.  He knows what it feels like to lose someone close to your heart.  He knows what it feels like to have tears pour down your cheeks.  He understands.  He is always with us.  Let Jesus carry that burden.  Sometimes, it's just too heavy to carry yourself. 

This verse also shows another truth:  it's okay to mourn.  In fact, it's good for us.  Sometimes, we just need to let our feelings out and be weak, vulnerable, and open.  Even the strongest person goes through hard times.  It's okay.
I can't even begin to say how priceless the treasure of friends and family is.  Everyone was always there for me.  Loving, encouraging, praying...the list goes on and on.  I got so many emails, so much love, that I was overwhelmed by the great blessing of friendship.  They sent me uplifting songs.  I received dozens of Bible verses showing God's deep love.  They cried with me.

If you are going through a hard time, don't let it get between you and those you love.  Instead be open.  Share your pain.  If they are true friends, they won't be upset that you are a "real person with real troubles."  Instead, they will love you and walk with you through the valleys.
I know that millions of families have experienced the loss of an unborn child.  Even so, it doesn't seem to make the pain lessen.  But as you go through the trial, remember that you are not alone.  Ever.  People have been where you are.  They know what it feels like.  Jesus knows what it feels like.  Don't push away from them.  Extend your arms around them.  Be willing to accept their love, prayers, and encouragement.


Don't hang onto the pain. Let it go and embrace Jesus' love. Push on, even when the future looks bleak. Even when the storm seems to drown out the sound of His voice, press on. Keep your eyes fixed on the heavenly prize. Yes, you may have lost someone you love. But they are now in Jesus' arms. Forever. You will see them again.


"I will never leave you nor forsake you."
—Hebrews 13:5
"I have loved you with an everlasting love."
—Jeremiah 31:3
"Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
—Joshua 1:9
"Neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
—Romans 8:38-39

As one of my favorite songs says,

"So you think He don't know what He's doing
You think He ain't by your side
Well, God knows when you're broken
And He's loving you, He's holding you
So, so tight
So let the rain fall, He'll be standing there
Getting wet with you
You might get cold but you won't be there alone "
—Mandisa Leave it in the Valley


I hope these thoughts helped you to realize the immense love God has for you.  I hope now you will be able to honestly say, 
"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” 
—Job 1:21

We are all human, and we will all go through difficult circumstances.  We will all be weak and vulnerable at times.  Instead of falling apart, why don't we stand up with each other and encourage, uplift, and love?  Why don't we turn our eyes to Jesus, the Giver of all peace?

Are you going through a hard time?  Remember that He won't ever let you down.  Ever.  And that's a promise.

Have you been through a valley, or are you in one right now?  How can I be your friend and pray for you?  Comment Below!

32 comments:

  1. Oh, I'm feeling for you right now, and sorry to hear about your family's loss. That must have been (and still would be) so hard.

    But I admire you for using this difficult circumstance as an opportunity to speak of the power of God, and encourage us all to come closer to Him. I was blessed by all the points, promises, and lyrics you shared, and I'll be thinking of, and praying for, you. xx

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    1. Thank you Jessica! Yes, even though it was hard it really turned into a blessing. I wouldn't trade Kalem's short life for anything. ♥ God gave us so many smiles, laughs, and joy through his few days with us. ♥ Thank you dear!

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  2. Wow, Hosanna, this was such a wonderful post! :) I love how God has used this troubling to bring you closer to him, and to see the wonderful side of what trials are for. :) This was very encouraging to me! (And made my cry. ;))
    Thank you so much for doing this blog post!

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    1. You're sweet Josiah. =) I found it cool that God was teaching us the same things as we both lost Kalem! There really was a "bright side" to the trial. =)

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  3. Awww, Hosanna!! This is such a beautiful post. ♥ I learned a lot from Kalem too. I never knew how much pain I could feel when my friend was in pain. I mean I was crying right as I found out. I guess I never realized how much pain we can feel when it doesn't exactly effect us. You're doing so well getting through this time! Love you so much!! ♥♥♥

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    1. It was so touching that you cried too, Hannah! ♥ I'm thankful to have you as a friend! Thank you! Yes, it's often too easy to pretend to be sad for others, but that's not true love and friendship. ♥

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  4. Oh, Hosanna! I am so sorry for your loss. Gosh, you're such a sweetheart. But it's very encouraging to hear how God used even this for your good and His glory!!
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!!
    xoxo lydia <3

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    1. Love you Lydia! Thank you for your dear prayers! ♥

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  5. I'm so proud of you for praising God in your valley, and using it to bring hope to others. This is absolutely beautiful. I'm praying for you and your family, and I love you, sweet girl. ♥♥♥♥

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    1. Julia, you are the best friend a girl could ask for! ♥ I'm so very glad to know you. =) Your tears when I told you about my new sibling!!!! That's probably my favorite memory of all times. ♥ Thank you dear.

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  6. That was so beautiful and articulate, Hosanna! You wrote exactly how I've felt this week. I feel stronger in God because of it, having felt His peace, trusting His plan, and actually, probably for the most obvious time in my life, felt the love and prayers of my sisters in Christ. God sure can use everything for His glory. He gives and takes away...blessed be the name of the Lord. Love you! <3

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    1. Thank you Mom. ♥ You've been my inspiration all along, and I'm thankful for you beyond words. =) Yes, sisters in Christ are the best! ♥ Love you more!

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  7. Oh, Hosanna! I am so sorry for what happened. However, this is beautiful. You are an amazing example of praising God and giving the glory to Him, even in really difficult situations.♥ ♥ Many prayers for you and your family! <3

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    1. Thank you Emily! I really wanted to use Kalem's short life to bring God glory, and I hope my simple words touched someone's heart. ♥ Thanks for the encouragement.

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  8. Oh, so sorry for your loss, Hosanna! My mom has miscarried two of my siblings, both around three months along. It's so hard to go through. <3
    This post was such a blessing to read through. Thank you so much for sharing the story and the verses. It was so beautiful. And even though things like this hurt, really hurt, it's amazing to see how it's brought you closer to God. I'll be praying for you and your family! <3

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    1. It's so much harder to lose a sibling than anyone knows, Jesseca. I never thought of miscarriages as a sibling going to heaven...but it is! =( I'm glad you understand what it feels like and still are strong in the Lord! ♥ Keep shining for Jesus, Jesseca! Thank you!

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  9. Oh Hosannah, I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that must be--I've not yet had to experience the loss of a close family member. Praying for you all as you grieve the loss of sweet Kalem. *hugs*

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    1. Thank you, dear Ivy! ♥ It was very hard, but I'm very thankful for Kalem's short life. It saddens me to think how some people willingly choose to abort their sweet, precious babies. =( It's horrendous! I suppose it goes to show how far we have strayed from God. Without Him, evil reigns. =(

      Thanks for the prayers! I am very thankful for you, Ivy. ♥

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  10. Oh, Hosanna. *hugs* You're dealing so very, very well with this. My prayers are with you all!
    I experienced that this past May, for the first time. Mom lost a baby at five weeks, and I know that I will be seeing my fifth sibling in heaven one day! It is SO wonderful that we Christians have this hope. I'm so glad I'm your sister in Christ and we can share this hope together!!
    Sending you big virtual hugs! Love you, sweetheart!!
    -Ariel

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    1. Oh, Ariel!! I'm so very sorry for your dear family. =( But yes, it does give us hope that we can see the lovely child one day in heaven with Jesus. And imagine! The first face that sibling sees will be the one of our Savior! ♥ He/she will never experience pain, sorrow, or fear, but instead will live in His presence forever. Doesn't it almost make you jealous? ;)

      I love you, sis! ♥

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  11. Gosh... what can I say? Hosanna, I'm so proud of God's work in you. At such a critical time, when it was easiest to give up faith, He lead you instead to reach out to who-knows-how-many people. He lead you to find that He is faithful even (...especially?) in the trials. This blog post serves as a testimony to us all. If you ever need to talk, I know many people have made themselves available already, but I'll be just another. <3 I love you much, my sweet friend.

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    1. Thank you dear Jordy! How grateful I am that God led me to sign up for your blog that long-ago day...and send the first email that led to our budding friendship. ♥ You have been a great encouragement to me. I love you dearly! Thank you so much, my sister in Christ.

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  12. *is touched by this post* Oh, Hosanna. I'm so sorry for your loss - I know what it feels like to go through something like this *points up at Ariel's comment*.
    I don't even know what to say - but this post was powerful. Thank you for posting it, it really was beautiful and touching. I'll be praying for you, dear friend.

    ~ Savannah
    scattered-scribblings.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment, Savannah! ♥ I'm very thankful for you and your sisters...you are such sweet, encouraging friends. =) It's wonderful when you realize that though times are hard, others have gone before you. I'm sorry for your dear baby in heaven, but it's wonderful to know that our siblings are together in His arms. ♥

      And your blog is now public?! Horrah! I was excited to subscribe to it today. ;) *spreads the news to the whole world*

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  13. Hosanna, I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel exactly, because we've gone through this before. It's hard, and painful. But we know that this was all in God's great plan for us. You are taking this all very well, and we'll be praying for you and your family! =)
    -Jaidyn

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    1. Thank you Jaidyn! ♥ Your sweet comment brightened my day. =) You Perrans are the sweetest. *hugs*

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  14. ♥ Aww! Your so sweet, Hosanna, thank you!! =) ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
    -Jaidyn Elise

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    1. Thank YOU, Jaidyn! =) I'm glad to have you as a new friend. ♥

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  15. Hosanna, your so precious. I'm so sorry for the loss. I cried reading this. Those valleys teach us so much. I'm praying for you all.

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    1. Thank you, Mrs. Christy! Your words mean a lot to me. =) I appreciate your prayers. I've been praying for you as you go through your own hard times! Love you so much! ♥ (you should come visit sometime...) ;)

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