I promised today to update you on life, but I can't seem to. I'm still struggling to get over post show depression (PSD). It's a real thing. It hurts when you leave your cast friends after being together for so long. Even knowing that you'll see them again doesn't help. So many "lasts." I miss my Anne of Green Gables family.
But I don't want to sit here in tears. This week was crazy. It was emotionally draining, painful, and stressful. But it was also exciting, joyful, and beautiful. Even in the rough times, God was there. So here's what I learned this week, despite the hard moments.
And, for those of you who weren't able to travel up here for the performance, I'm including some cast photos. I hope they give you a little glimpse into the amazing people I was able to be with during this fall production.
God's Ready to Encourage Us
Before the performances started, I was becoming nervous. I'm not a natural actress. I don't like audiences, I don't like performing, and I'm afraid to mess up. But at one point I randomly read a passage in the Message Bible that was such a source of encouragement. And it came from a very unappreciated passage. If you're struggling, I encourage you to read the entire chapter. What a precious reminder.
I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.I remember it all - oh, how well I remember -the feeling of hitting the bottom.But there’s one other thing I remember,and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,His merciful love couldn’t have dried up.They’re created new every morning.How great your faithfulness!I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).He’s all I’ve got left.God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,to the woman who diligently seeks.It’s a good thing to quietly hope,quietly hope for help from God.
God can do Miracles
Our Monday practice ended up with us setting the stage and props. Basically, I spent the whole time putting up wallpaper with some other friends. The next day, all the wallpaper had fallen off. And then our practice was terrible. We missed entrances, forgot props, and basically ruined everything. My family got home around 11:00 PM, and I was ready to give up on the play altogether.
In the morning, I didn't even want to wake up. I was drained. Discouraged. But I asked an online group of Christian girls to pray for us, and, right before the practice, I grabbed a friend and a little sister to pray together with me. God worked! The practice wasn't perfect by any degree, but things weren't stressful like they had been. We enjoyed it. And, when the shows came along, prayer continued to make a huge difference. The entire cast would hold hands and pray together. It was beautiful.
|Me as Mattie Cuthbert|
God Works in our Weaknesses
I'm a naturally quiet-voiced person. All the vocal projecting began to wear on my voice, and every day it got a bit worse. When our second performance came along (Saturday), I was at my limit. I stepped on stage for one scene, and my voice almost completely left.
When I finished squeaking out my lines, I went backstage in a panic. My emotions were everywhere. The show would be ruined because I couldn't even find a voice!! I was nearly in tears, asking God why this had to happen. Why me? Why now?
But when I felt torn apart, He held me together. Our sweet backstage helper offered cough drops, and I made it through the show. Even though my stress levels were flying, we did it. No, God did it. It was a great performance. Because when we are weak, He is strong.
|Diana, Anne, and Gilbert|
People are Deeper
When we see people, they only show us the side they want us to see. But in Anne of Green Gables tech week, I was able to see some of their true sides. We were like family. I saw them when they were stressed and ready to give up. I saw girls who smiled and offered constant encouragement. We laughed together. We nearly cried together. We threw baby-powder in each other's hair to make us look like old ladies. We teased each other in the mess-ups but only loved more. Because we all messed up. We were all stressed. But it was like family. It showed me that people are more than strangers or friends. They have problems and mars, and they mess up. But they're beautiful too.
So yes, I miss what we had. I miss my Anne of Green Gables family. But God showed me so much through the long, tiring week. I could go on and on about each show, the special moments, the memories...so many things that touched me. But instead, I'll pause here.
Embrace every moment because they slip by so quickly. And if you're struggling, remember that He's always strong.
Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
...You steady my heart.
- Steady My Heart by Kari Jobe