Of Advent and Stories

As I write stories and pen novels God puts on my heart, I accidentally discovered... (spoiler alert)

Every story finally ends with wickedness punished and the good rewarded at last.

But I never noticed this theme until studying Advent on a dawning morning of December. This is why.

I remember writing the end of The Way of the King, my fantasy-allegorical novel, and pausing with a heavy question in my hands:

How can this story portray the hope, mercy, and grace of God our Father... while also not ignoring His righteousness, anger at sin, and position as Judge?

I felt the heart-rending tension and hurt of even the vilest characters in my book and wanted them shown mercy alongside the "kinda bad" sidekicks... yet at some point, it was too late. Their decision was made.

Every person eventually had to receive their just due.

As I penned the end of the story, heart aching, I saw God's mercy even in those terrible moments of just wrath, because His goodness cannot allow any sinful thing to tarnish His coming Kingdom.

But in that moment, I saw other broken, humble characters—unlikely heroes—receive the sweetest of endings to their story, not because of their perfection but because they gave their lives to their King, allowed His mercy to cover them, and He was their trust.

Today, I saw the same themes in Advent.

The word "advent" means "coming" or "arrival." It's the season of days leading up to Christmas as we anticipate Jesus' first coming. 

It's a beautiful time to remember! God-made-flesh—Emmanuel—came as a beacon of hope and tidings of comfort and joy! He fulfilled prophesies from loyal prophets who believed God 700 years before!

What struck me was one of the first messages of the Gospels after the nativity story:

At that time John the Baptizer appeared on the scene, proclaiming a very important message in the Judean wilderness. “Repent,” he declared, “for the Kingdom of Heaven is drawing near!”

Matthew 3:1-2

And the response,

 

... people from Jerusalem and all Judea and the entire region along the Jordan kept going out to him and were being baptized in the Jordan River by him, openly acknowledging their sins.

Matthew 3:5-6

Advent is done, Jesus is on the scene, and the messages begins with repentance.

Then Jesus begins preaching with the same message:

From that time Jesus began proclaiming this message: “Repent! For the Kingdom of Heaven is drawing near!”

Matthew 4:17

Advent opens the stage for the first step of salvation. Jesus' message of salvation, hope, and mercy begins with a call for honest repentance. Then His cross and resurrection made all the difference for the ending of our stories—we can receive full forgiveness and be partakers of His coming Kingdom!

So I'm entering the Advent season enjoying the beauty of white lights, floppy Christmas hats, anticipation, carols (!), but I'm also beginning it with a heart crying out to my Father in repentance and asking Him to reveal any sin in me first.

Because Advent means "coming"... both His first coming as a babe to bring hope of salvation, but we also eagerly await His second Advent when Jesus will reign as King. That Day will be one of justice, punishment, of the wrath of God being poured out because no sinful thing may enter His Kingdom.

But for those who confess their sin and put their trust in Jesus, the second Advent is pure restoration. Ah, that's also tidings of comfort and joy!

For if you acknowledge your allegiance with your lips by professing Jesus as Lord, and have faith in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.

Romans 10:9

If we are willing to confess our sins, however, God is faithful, yes, and true to his name, and so will forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from every kind of wickedness.

1 John 1:9

Today, in the middle, we're invited to "come to the Jordan" in a sense, and that's a joy of Advent! We have an open invitation to forgiveness... just like the villains in my story are invited to repentance, change... until it's too late.

And that's part of the huge love of God: He is waiting, giving every soul time to follow Him!

Sometimes I wonder how much the waiting—while people suffer—hurts His own heart.

That's why I love writing the endings of books, because at last, the character walks in truth and sees the reward of the hardships and trials that wove through their story, and there's reward, rest, restoration!

But their middles determine what their endings are.

I feel Jesus calling me to examine my life and receive forgiveness. To get serious about sin and not let it linger. To come to Him in repentance and walk in a life of forgiven, powerful grace. And then embrace Advent.

That's a beauty and hope as we start Advent.

So happy beginning of December, friend! ♥ May we walk in peace, humility, and unity with our King Jesus until the Day He comes home.

~♥~

This is How You Endure as a Disciple

The start of autumn used to depress me.

I watched frost fall on our flower beds, and petals glowed brilliantly silver in the first rays of sun... then melted to mushy deadness.

Gardens died. Trees wept their leaves.

Then God beautifully changed my vision by showing me the richness of fall, and now He calls me to take it a step further and believe it about the Christian life too:

If I'm called to die, can I rejoice?

It begins with this truth:

When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

 

This summer, I wrestled to surrender everything to Jesus.

I've lived in that freedom, and it was beautiful to have Jesus as my sole treasure, my one thing, but surrender doesn't seem to be a one-and-done process; it's continual.

And it's so good to live a life of continual surrender to our King.

But I've grown tired at times. I've let things slip - instead desiring comfort, safety, normality. And this summer, God stirred me up to remember those times of radical obedience and to pray for it again.

To share the Gospel at every opportunity. To give freely. To live without fear. To pour out even if to receive nothing back again. To have a predetermined "yes" to Jesus. To work for Jesus alone. To be willing to suffer for Him.

To let sinful desires die and Jesus live in my life.

At times though, I looked at the death of self like I used to see the death of fall - a bleak, painful, long process. I missed the promised spring at the end.

I read, "take up your cross" and missed what's right after.

Today, I grabbed my Bible and read that account, and what comes after the sacrifice, after this age, is beyond beautiful! I challenge you to read this. If you get nothing else, this is what matters, and the Word of God changes everything. Chew on it, meditate on it, let it sink into you.

 

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If someone wants to be a disciple of Mine, he must deny himself and take up his cross and continue coming along with Me. If someone is set on saving his life, you see, he will lose it. If someone is prepared to lose his life because of Me, however, he will gain it. Is it really worth it for a person if he gains even all the riches in the world, yet forfeits his very life? Or what can a person give in return for his life? The Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, you see, and at that time He will 'repay each person according to his deeds.' Amen, I solemnly tell you this: There are some standing right here who will certainly not experience death while they have a glimpse of 'the Son of Man coming' with His Kingdom."

Matthew 16:24-28

 

 

Did you catch that? Jesus says a disciple of His must lose their life, take up their cross, deny himself, and follow Him.

It's pursuing Him so much that we'll risk losing anything to gain Him.

It's a love and loyalty for Jesus being our one thing. There's a beautiful reward at the end, the prize that a disciple has her eyes on and will run to attain!

Right after the passage above, Jesus has this beautiful transfiguration in Matthew 17, and it reminds me of an early glimpse of what He's promised: to come in the glory of His Father as the ultimate King, punish all evil, destroy death, and then bring His reward.

That's why I love autumn: the frosty death points to the coming newness of spring.

And suffering for the disciple simply points to a coming restoration, reward, and complete healing when Jesus returns!

That's why we endure! That's why we hold on! That's why we surrender our entire lives to discover Jesus, because He is our ultimate Prize!

I still balk sometimes, and I pray so hard that Jesus would enable me to be a disciple. I pray He would give me strength to pick up my cross and follow Him. When it feels like a burden too heavy for me to carry, you can find me,

casting upon Him all your cares, because He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7 

And then it's light.

I've learned that good isn't the same as easy. Sometimes, following Jesus is hard, but it's so good. And then with His comfort and fellowship and future hope, is hard really that hard?

I love reading magazines by Voice of the Martyrs about believers who risk everything for Jesus... and the forgiveness and joy that comes is radically lovely.

So I'm learning the joy of surrender and that to rejoice in trials leads to patient endurance (James 1), which is so beautiful because the longing of my soul is to endure until that Day of restoration.

 

in the hope that, by any means possible, I will share in the resurrection from the dead.

Philippians 3:11

 

I encourage you: seek Jesus as your Treasure. Desire Him so much that you'll lay your life down as a living sacrifice.

Let love lead to loyalty, trials spur us to endurance, and the promised reward be what we seek to attain.

Let's kill sinful desires and let Jesus live in us.

 

The Spirit himself bears joint witness with our spirit that we are children of God. If we are children, moreover, we are also heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with the Messiah—if, in fact, we share in the Messiah’s sufferings, so that we may also share in His glory. 

In this regard, I am certain that the sufferings of this present age can’t even be compared to the glory that will be revealed with respect to us.

Romans 8:16-18

~♥~

 

Finding Beauty in the Dark || guest post

Hello, dear reader!

I'm here with a beautiful guest post by a fellow author, blogger, and disciple of Jesus, Savannah Jane McCrary! (yay!)

Savannah is a lover of history especially as it points to the truth of the Gospel, and this post was a huge blessing to me. Get ready for some powerful stories of heroes of the faith and a personal challenge to stare darkness in the eyes and find Jesus' beauty in it.

Welcome, Savannah!

In the beginning, God created…

Genesis 1:1

And it was good. It was beautiful.

As God looked over the stars and sun and moon and trees and flowers and animals and seas He had made, again and again, “He saw that it was good.”

Then sin came, and everything changed. There were thorns and pain and sickness and death.

Yes, the world is broken and dying. But still there is beauty amid the decay.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Creation groans, waiting for the day when Jesus returns and makes all things new. Yet still there are glimpses of beauty. Jesus is still King of Creation. And there is still so much beauty to be found when we look for it.

God paints the sky every morning. And every evening, He does it again. And there are the clouds–puffy white ones, gray, wispy ones…

God could have created plants only to be useful–to be used for food and medicine and building and production. But instead, He made plants that are not just useful, but beautiful. And such variety! He made towering pine and oak trees, plants with leaves of all shapes and sizes, flowers in every color imaginable.

God is still delighting in the beauty He has made. If He delights in it, shouldn’t we delight in it, too?

For the past few years, I’ve been researching the World War II Dutch Resistance for a historical fiction book I am writing, and I have been struck by how these brave men and women found and appreciated beauty in even the darkest of places.

Hans Poley was a university student when the Germans conquered the Netherlands. They demanded all students sign an oath of allegiance to Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party or be deported to forced labor in Germany. Hans refused, went into hiding, and joined the Resistance. Eventually, he was caught and imprisoned in a concentration camp. Yet, he tells this story of his time in the camp:

“In sharp contrast to the scenes of misery, I remember one clear spring morning as we stood motionless for roll call. We heard no sound except for the movement of the SS guards, counting under their breath. Then, suddenly, a caroling lark took off from the surrounding woods into the sky, and its unrestrained cheer swept over the two thousand prisoners in the square. No one dared to look for it, let alone follow it on its freedom ride. But we all heard it and took it as a symbol of liberation and light.”

Johanna Ader-Appels didn’t end up imprisoned in a concentration camp herself, but she and her husband risked their lives to shelter Jews in their home. At any moment, there was the risk the Germans would come and search the house and find the Jews, and they would all be hauled off to prison and death. Yet in the midst of all that, she wrote,

“It was so wonderful to enjoy the spring, the sun, the birds, and the flowers, which knew nothing of war and were just as exuberant as each new spring arrived… one must take the time to enjoy such loveliness, even amidst a busy life… ja, especially then, otherwise there is the risk of our feeling jaded and dull. And those who receive nothing from such gifts will soon have nothing more to give.”

Diet Eman was a young woman living in the Netherlands during World War II. When the Germans took over, and began persecuting the Jews, she and her fiance, Hein, risked their lives to rescue Jews. Like Hans Poley, Diet was also eventually caught and imprisoned in a concentration camp. She tells this story:

“Outside the four corners of the building stood four soldiers with rifles. The windows were all open, and outside the windows the clouds looked so beautiful that I would stand there for a moment just to admire them. They were just clouds, but they were God’s consolation to me, so beautiful in the sky. Below the clouds, the countryside was full of flowers, lots of purple shooting up to the sun. I would stand there at times and remember how beautiful God created this world, and then I would be reassured that he would certainly take care of me and all my loved ones.”

 

The beauty of creation is God’s gift to us. It reminds us He cares for us. If He created and provides for the birds and the flowers, He’ll care for us, too. In the words of Jesus,

Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 

So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 

Matthew 6:26-30

Because, after all, we are the crown of His creation. After He created everything else and called it “good,” then He created man and woman. And He called them “very good,” (Genesis 1:31).

He delights in His beautiful creation, but He delights even more in His children living out their faith in Him, trusting in the care of their Heavenly Father.

“The colored sunsets and starry heavens, the beautiful mountains and the shining seas, the fragrant woods and painted flowers, are not half so beautiful as a soul that is serving Jesus out of love, in the wear and tear of common, unpoetic life.”

Streams in the Desert

We don’t worship the creation. We don’t value trees above children or plants above people. But we do thank God for the good gifts He gives us. We admire, enjoy, and delight in the glories of creation because in them we see God’s glory.

“We see the glory of God when we delight in, reflect upon, and enjoy the world He has created.” 

Thomas Shreiner

Look up in the sky at night and gaze at the stars. I once read that scientists estimate there are 100 billion stars in every galaxy. And how many galaxies are there? We don’t know. Some scientists estimate two trillion. It’s possibly far more.

And yet,

He counts the number of the stars;
He calls them all by name. 

Psalm 147:4

But what’s even more amazing is that the God who counts the stars also knows the number of hairs on your head.

The very hairs of your head are all numbered…

Luke 12:7

That’s how intimately He knows and cares for you.

If those members of the Dutch Resistance could find beauty even in wartime and in concentration camps, surely we can find beauty in our daily lives, too.

So, go, admire the beauty of sunrises and sunsets, fields and flowers, clouds, oceans, the song of a bird, the stars in the sky, a tiny butterfly, a massive, rugged mountain peak…and let it stir your heart to worship.

Give unto the LORD the glory due to His name;
Worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness. 

Psalm 29:2

 

 

~♥~

about the author

Savannah Jane McCrary is an author, illustrator, history lover, and most importantly a follower of Jesus passionate about creating beauty and spreading hope through her words and art. Though she’s experimented with a variety of genres, her favorite thing to write is accurate historical fiction filled with suspense, beauty, and most of all, the hope of the kingdom of heaven.

The third born in an amazing family of seven children, she was homeschooled all the way through and lives with her family in beautiful western Montana. Savannah loves spending time with her family and their Bernese Mountain Dogs, working on the family homestead, getting together with old friends and meeting new ones, going on adventures, worshiping, enjoying God’s creation, reading good books, and cups of tea. In addition to her authorly pursuits and drawing and painting, Savannah’s many other interests include cooking and baking, midwifery, graphic design, sewing, and making pottery.

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Footnotes:


All Scripture taken from the New King James Version® Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Hans Poley’s story taken from Return to the Hiding Place Copyright © 1993 by Hans Poley, LifeJourney Books™, page 172

Johanna Ader-Appels’ story taken from House of Defiance Copyright 1947 © by J. Ader-Appels, English Translation Copyright © Andrew Healey, page 232

Diet Eman’s story taken from Things We Couldn’t Say by Diet Eman with James Schapp, Copyright © 1994 by Wm. B. Eerdman’s Publishing Co., page 230

Thomas Shreiner quote taken from The King in His Beauty: A Biblical Theology of the Old and New Testaments (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2013), page 4 as quoted in Crown Him King: A Study on the Kingdom of God for Well-Watered Women written by Gretchen Saffles with Maggie Combs and Lauren Weir, Copyright © 2022, Life Lived Beautifully, LLC.

The Truth of God's Wrath Changed my Life

I'm a writer in love with Jesus; He suffered the penalty for my sins, adopted me to be a child of God, and offers a future with Him that's so beautiful that I live dreaming of it! But somehow, as a child, the depth of my relationship with Him began with this:

I saw a glimpse of the wrath of God. It terrified me.

... Today, that turned into my greatest dream.

My biggest fear as a child was the return of Jesus.

I read accounts like Pilgrim's Progress of people left behind and facing the wrath of God; there were even times I'd be alone in the house for a moment, wondering where my siblings or parents had gone, and I'd flittingly wonder if I'd missed the rapture. ;)

The thought of the end times terrified me. I pictured red skies, lightning flashes, and a Judge-God saying I hadn't done enough to be saved.

That's when I cried out to Jesus that I wanted to love Him, know Him, and follow Him because of intimacy.

Everything changed.

It wasn't in a moment, a week, a month. There were years of seeking and praying. Jeremiah 29:11-13 became my life verse. Then I found a God of deep, intimate love who created me, hand-picked the gifts He had for me, heard and answered my prayers, spoke to me through the Holy Spirit, and forgave me.

Jesus revealed Himself to me. That beauty transformed my life!

I came to understand John 3:16,

For God so loved... that He gave.

Jesus became my Best Friend and the Love of my soul!

He made 1 John come alive,

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.

1 John 4:17-18

There is a Day of judgment coming, and God's wrath is serious.

I read verses like this one, and it used to terrify me. Now it doesn't.

That day will be a day of wrath—a day of distress and anguish, a day of trouble and ruin, a day of darkness and gloom, a day of clouds and blackness—

Zephaniah 1:15 

In Isaiah, he describes the Day of the Lord (the day Jesus returns to rule as King):

Wail, for the day of the LORD is at hand!
It will come as destruction from the Almighty.
Therefore all hands will be limp,
Every man's heart will melt,
And they will be afraid.
Pangs and sorrows will take hold of them;
They will be in pain as a woman in childbirth...

Behold, the day of the LORD comes,
Cruel, with both wrath and fierce anger,
To lay the land desolate;
And He will destroy its sinners from it...

"I will punish the world for its evil...

"I will shake the heavens,
And the earth will move out of her place."

Isaiah 13:6-8, 11, 13

The wrath of God is serious.

And I deserve it.

I deserve His punishment. Before I surrendered to Him, I willingly chose to disobey the King of the Universe, so even the good things I'd done were like filthy rags before Him!

But Jesus.

^^^ That truth changed my life.

I fell at the feet of Jesus, and He willingly exchanged His righteousness for my sin.

That's why I'm not terrified of the Day of judgement. I don't have to face the wrath of God because Jesus declares that I belong to Him! I now have a beautiful fear or respect for Him—even more than before—but it's like how a child respects her daddy who does have power to punish... but would do so only out of love. And he also could beat up bad guys to keep her safe. ;)

The fear of God and the love of God are beautiful when tied together!

Why would I be afraid of my King returning when He is the Love of my soul?

God must destroy evil. Yet He yearns for every soul to come into relationship with Him, surrendered and loyal (1 Timothy 2:4)!

And for the heart in love,

We also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Philippians 3:20

The Day of the Lord is beautiful for His children! It's a day of rest from sorrow, fear, and bondage (Isa 14:3). It's a day when death and tears are eradicated (Isa 25:8). Of the humble and poor being filled with joy (Isa 29:19) Of healing (Isa 29:18, 30:26). Of the earth's restoration (Isa 35).

That spurs me on to faithfulness and loyalty! Our works will be judged and rewarded, so I get to live today awaiting that Kingdom and my King Jesus!

This is what the followers of God were thrilled about, from the Old Testament, New, and today!

The immense power of God leading to godly fear and love changed my life, and it's what I'm passionate about. Hence, you'll see it peeping into my poetry, novels, and blog posts here. ;) I can't help it. ;)

And I encourage you:

If Jesus' return, death, or judgement terrifies, you, don't stop there.

You're invited to be a child of God. So dig into Him, cry out to Him, seek Him, surrender your life to be a sold-out lover!

Pray for an understanding of both the fear and love of the Lord because finding Jesus changes everything. Literally.

This is a favorite quote from The Torch Keepers that reminds me of God's deep love as Father talks with his long-awaited, wayward daughter,

"We can't leave without you."

I raised my stiff jaw toward Father's face. "You already did. You left me that day in the desert. You turned around and left without saying goodbye." My voice rose to a shrill cry. "Why is this any different?"

Tears lingered in his eyes. "My child," he said, "that was the hardest thing I ever did."

 

The Torch Keepers

You're invited to have a relationship with a powerful God who pursues you and loves you more than we can comprehend, and He'll come as Judge and King and Bridegroom on a future Day!

May we be Kingdom-visioned warriors. ♥

For God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, Who died for us, that whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with Him.

1 Thessalonians 5:9-10

 

~♥~

a Rain-Soaked Song || a poem

 

a Rain-Soaked Song || a poem

a gift today:

of cleansing rain on aggregate sidewalks

and puddles in the driveway.

i hide away from drops to simply watch, and somehow there's a chorus

of a waking home, birds' happy songs, and the rain's chatter—

all one melody in crisply, cold air,

for You, Father.

the sandbox is an ocean

dancing in every splay of drops,

and if it wasn't for this paper, maybe i would too.

rain—and birds still fly,

farm geese stand as if oblivious,

and every dandelion stalk is stripped.

some say the storm isn't a gift,

but i know You, Father,

my Giver.

this rain will make spring grow.

so i'll nod to the voices of "be careful"

(but maybe be girlishly giddy)

because of Your gift in rainy melody

today.

I am certain that the sufferings of this present age can’t even be compared to the glory that will be revealed with respect to us.

Romans 8:18

 

~♥~

You (don't) Need a Dress to be a Princess + thoughts on identity

I'm learning about  i d e n t i t y.

When music turns on, my 3-year-old niece dances. She can't help but twirl and jump and fall with her arms sprawled around, grinning widely as she runs around the house, laughing, and tries to do a flip like her gymnast aunts (but instead produces a funny summersault that gets so much applause!).

But sometimes, she can only dance if she's wearing a dress.

When the melody begins in soft pianos or electronic dance music, she runs to me, begging for a dress. Because somewhere inside her, without the twirling hem of a skirt, without the pretty feeling of lace and floral colors, without something beautiful to wear, she believes she's not a princess.

That's why when she strutted into the room with fancy boots, a fuzzy pink winter hat, sunglasses, and her snowman pjs, I knew in her heart she was beautiful and princessy and could walk with dignity. ;)

But I do the exact same thing. I don't always know my true identity.

In the autumn, after publishing The Way of the King, I faced wide-open days and presented them to the Lord. His answer: rest

That was hard.

I had no books to write. No career. No specific ways of ministry or serving or producing fruit.

It's easy for my identity to be in those.

I want to produce something beautiful because it makes me feel like I have purpose. But it's not true.

He is my identity.

God whispered, what if My definition of "productive" is different than yours?

That time was so productive. It was so good. It was a time of facing hard truths, of seeing sin and ugliness in myself He wanted to purge, of crying bitter tears, of learning increased surrender to my King. It was a time I grew more like His Princess and less like the ugly self in this heart that fights to resist Him.

I learned:

 my identity is Christ.

It's being His.

Period.

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

Galatians 2:20

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

2 Corinthians 5:17 

There's this switch that happens when a soul surrenders to God as their Father. They're made new. Beautiful. Clean. Forgiven.

Instead of our wrongs or rights defining us, we're defined as: children adopted, fully known and fully loved.

I learned that on the Day Jesus returns to bring restoration, He will be called,

THE LORD OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS

Jeremiah 23:6

to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

Romans 3:26 

Which means I can walk in victory. joy. peace. All this, knowing on that Day, the Judge will look at me and see Jesus' righteousness covering me, and I'll be s a v e d.

Like God spoke to Israel about their salvation from a captivity they rightly received, we also are invited to find our wholeness, peace, shalom in Him.

I will heal their backsliding,
I will love them freely...

Hosea 14:4

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Romans 5:1

Somehow, through the cross, my identity is changed.

And it can't be unchanged through my daily mistakes. my confusions. the opinion of others. circumstances. my performance. disasters. emotions. (or my lack of a princess dress)

My identity is C H R I S T.

HE is my righteousness--meaning that His goodness is clothed around me, so that's all that can be seen. All the old is gone, and I can walk in Christ.

I don't have to wear a dress to be a princess.

And I can rest knowing I belong to the King of Kings! The work of the cross is finished, so I'm gonna get giddy when the music turns on because I have permission to dance, clothed in His righteousness as my ballroom gown!

What we do is very important. But what He did is way more important-er. ;)

And that's what keeps me going in loyalty until the Day of Christ Jesus, when He returns to rule as King forever! 

Death. life. angels. principalities. powers. things present. things to come. height. depth. any created thing. NONE of them shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

That's the identity of Hosanna Emily.

And it can be yours.

Not how many books you write, lives you change, jobs you work. It doesn't matter how "productive" you look to the world.

Because you might wake up without snowman pjs, a fancy dress, or a pink snow hat. ;)

Jesus doesn't change.

And that's why my identity is secured. ♥

is there something you're tempted to place your identity in or base your worth on? or something about this post you'd like to chat about? drop a note in the comments to talk or pray for each other! *hugs*

Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven,
And whose sins are covered;
Blessed is the man to whom the LORD shall not impute sin.

Romans 4:7-8

 

~♥~

and Now You're Weak (but that's okay)

  

Hello, dear reader!

It's nigh six months since 2024 began. Halfway through the year. Six months of more beauty and growth and seasons to come...

When 2024 began, I considered picking a theme word for this year but couldn't. Instead, I found that as I lived through the pages of a calendar, God found themes on His own to adorn my months (perhaps He knows what I need most to grow), ;) and these last 6 months, it's been grace ... and  w e a k n e s s.

utter inability. ineptness.

Funnily, I learned "inept" in ASL before I knew it in English. ;) The professor showed us the sign and defined it as the opposite of skilled.

... and being inept this year has been so good.

Because we ended 2023 by saying goodbye until Resurrection to a dear friend who died. Then there were days of family in the hospital. Ups and downs and heart-tearing, and as I sat before my laptop with the start of a novel tumbling in my mind with so many plot holes I couldn't even fill, I felt completely inept.

I like to picture my writing desk as a warzone. It's a place where beauty is created, like snippets of Eden in the brokenness of this fallen world. It's where the enemy is fought and defeated by ruthless prayer.

But my desk is more like a messy meeting place with Jesus. I try to arrange my candle and mug full of pens, the letters from friends which mean so much, and the honey jar for tea, but it always remains disorderly with stray pencils and papers by my elbows.

In this place, I pour out my heart to Jesus and beg for inspiration. I write out of weakness and ask for His strength. I create chapters that may need to be completely rewritten later and poems that may never be read.

I'm inept without Jesus.

And I love that. Because it makes me pursue Him, seek Him, and in my season of weakness, His strength is beautiful and tender and... well, strong. =)

In my weakness, I learn the beauty of God being a God who hears.

I cry out to the LORD with my voice;

With my voice to the LORD I make my supplication.

I pour out my complaint before Him;

I declare before Him my trouble.

When my spirit was overwhelmed within me,

Then You knew my path... 

Psalm 142:1-3

I found myself poised with fingers on the keyboard and no ideas to go forward as I just begged for help; in His amazing Storyteller way, Jesus came through and whispered character arcs and names and adventurous cliffhangers and purposes. As I drafted, it's like He read over my shoulder, offered ideas, and it's okay that there's loads of editing to be done later, because this is a first draft that I get to write with the One I love more than life itself who literally is the God who hears.

His promises to Israel are especially beautiful,

And they did not thirst

When He led them through the deserts;

He caused the waters to flow from the rock for them;

He also split the rock, and the waters gushed out.

Isaiah 48:21

If God had His people then, He is still trustworthy, beautifully faithful.

Yes, in loss and fear and inability, I'm broken and weak.

And I'm so glad, because it produces dependency on Jesus! I look back now on the time of drafting the novel as 2024 began, and I see victories overruling the struggles to produce beautiful words because He was (+ continues to be) strong.

Yes, this year is one marked by weakness... and strangely, strength. It's His strength, His grace, ascribed to me because of the redemption of the cross and Jesus in me! 

And it's okay. It's not shameful to weep tears to our Father. It's okay to sing brokenly, to pray desperately, and to not understand but trust anyway.

I wonder if that's as beautiful as when we dance in ecstasy, because in both ways,

we l o v e + t r u s t  Him.

Our Jesus is coming to make all things new, and the ending of the story will be magnificent! Like when this novel I began is finally published, the result will be beautiful.

But today is the middle. In it, He is the God who hears.

It's the waiting faithfully until He returns. It's the drafting of a novel that didn't have an end, and the characters hurt and struggled and h o p e d.

I love this,

Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer,

The Holy One of Israel:

"I am the LORD your God,

Who teaches you to profit,

Who leads you by the way you should go.

Oh, that you had heeded My commandments!

Then your peace would have been like a river,

And your righteousness like the waves of the sea."

Isaiah 48:17-18

There is victory in Jesus—His finished work on the cross, His Spirit today in us, and His coming return to bring restoration to all that's good and recompense to all that's evil!

Victory.

If today feels weak or strong. Broken or whole. Sensical or confusing. Inept or skilled.

My identity and strength and hope is in the One Who makes all things new. And I can pour out my heart before Him, for He is a refuge for us (Psalm 62:8).

Hold on, you broken warrior, and keep fighting, even if it's messy and looks like desperate prayers.

His strength is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9).

(( + spoiler alert, Jesus will rule as King in the end! )) ♥

As for our Redeemer, the LORD of hosts is His name,
The Holy One of Israel.

Isaiah 47:4

~♥~ 

 

a spider + ant || a poem

a spider + ant || a poem

a spider + ant are nigh the same thing:

segmented bodies + spry, nimble feet,

unnoticed, unseen, no beauty to boast

yet bold to live freely from forest to coast.

a spider weaves tapestries; fine silk she spun

while ants build a castle in growing, dry mud.

+ one drinks the blood of foes she demised

while ants humbly gather a lost picnic prize.

we trod on their homes + tear down their wall;

the ant + the spider constantly fall.

like high-ranking kings + poor peasant folk

who boast of their glory or handle revoke;

like fog in the night may linger a breath

+ vapor ascend, then die a quick death,

the ant + the spider could boast of their feats

then wither to die in summer sun's heat.

so rather, the two have beauty to show:

their humble + quiet service alone.

to daily fulfill the task set before:

the call of the faithful, king or the poor.

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah

Surely men of low degree are a vapor,
Men of high degree are a lie;
If they are weighed on the scales,
They are altogether lighter than vapor...

Power belongs to God.
Also to You, O Lord, belongs mercy;
For You render to each one according to his work.

snippets of Psalm 62

~♥~

 

expectantly || a poem

expectantly || a poem

funnily, last year i learned to love running:

beginning with muscles stretching, heart pounding in anticipation,

then taking off with adrenaline speed

to settle into rhythmic breathing + focused motion.

yet a race is a battling fight

for weakness pulls at me to slow,

+ i hear lies—like every passing tree—

pulsing in my gasping breaths + flushed face;

i resist with feet planting firmly + eyes set:

every pain pushes me closer to the Prize

so i fight on.

winter settles to ice the air in frost,

+ i fight daily,

yet only grow weaker.

i learn in the everyday

strength isn't in pushing harder, like a race,

it's in the Strength Giver.

when i spring up a hill, i whisper:

this is what He trained me for

yet when the run is over, i maybe train hardest

by waiting on the Lord, eyes set

on Him, my utter Prize,

waiting for His springtime.

He fights as i follow in submission.

Jesus is the body; i am the feet simply obeying,

+ He never grows weary or slumbers,

so with His Spirit in me, why should i walk in defeat?

is there victory in g r a c e ?

i run hard in races + will to be the feet of Jesus in today,

to achieve the ultimate Prize.

not because of my strength

(which, if i boasted in, would fall flat in the first competition)

but because of His,

                                expectantly.

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

For though (Jesus) was crucified in weakness, yet He lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in Him, but we shall live with Him by the power of God toward you. 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10, 13:4

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength...
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength.
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-29, 31 

~♥~