valentine in a sunset || a poem

valentine in a sunset  ||  a poem

i thought this day to be a sad, lonely ordeal:

no lover's pink note

nor romance's words,

but how when there's gentleness of You?

for i stood encircled by Your family, sweeter than blood,

in the Chapel – circle of bricks like a castle tower

extending upward so high

and glass roof arching.

i saw night’s sky and the start of the heavens,

beyond which i know You are,

heavenly throne, heavenly One.

we sang, and You echoed back;

cathedral beauty of ancient truths, still fresh on my lips.

we voiced notes, and You returned romance’s words

in reverberating echoes

i cannot describe.

and pink lover’s note?

ahh, i saw that too, as i trudged up a hill wearily

to be sealed in a sunset:

fuchsia, magenta, violets

sweeping the sky in vibrance that sliced like a sword,

and i could dance or laugh or stare

as a heart in love.

girlish giggling

that no man could give me a sunset as a token of love,

a lover’s pink note like this,

save You.

oh yes, there’s dreams in this heart –

satisfaction in You, God.

i’ve never been more in love.

if surrender ever hurts, may i tear my eyes off my wounds of self,

remembering

You invite me into sublime sweetness and whisper:

                    for I so loved...

But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious,
Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.

Psalm 86:15

~♥~

Of Advent and Stories

As I write stories and pen novels God puts on my heart, I accidentally discovered... (spoiler alert)

Every story finally ends with wickedness punished and the good rewarded at last.

But I never noticed this theme until studying Advent on a dawning morning of December. This is why.

I remember writing the end of The Way of the King, my fantasy-allegorical novel, and pausing with a heavy question in my hands:

How can this story portray the hope, mercy, and grace of God our Father... while also not ignoring His righteousness, anger at sin, and position as Judge?

I felt the heart-rending tension and hurt of even the vilest characters in my book and wanted them shown mercy alongside the "kinda bad" sidekicks... yet at some point, it was too late. Their decision was made.

Every person eventually had to receive their just due.

As I penned the end of the story, heart aching, I saw God's mercy even in those terrible moments of just wrath, because His goodness cannot allow any sinful thing to tarnish His coming Kingdom.

But in that moment, I saw other broken, humble characters—unlikely heroes—receive the sweetest of endings to their story, not because of their perfection but because they gave their lives to their King, allowed His mercy to cover them, and He was their trust.

Today, I saw the same themes in Advent.

The word "advent" means "coming" or "arrival." It's the season of days leading up to Christmas as we anticipate Jesus' first coming. 

It's a beautiful time to remember! God-made-flesh—Emmanuel—came as a beacon of hope and tidings of comfort and joy! He fulfilled prophesies from loyal prophets who believed God 700 years before!

What struck me was one of the first messages of the Gospels after the nativity story:

At that time John the Baptizer appeared on the scene, proclaiming a very important message in the Judean wilderness. “Repent,” he declared, “for the Kingdom of Heaven is drawing near!”

Matthew 3:1-2

And the response,

 

... people from Jerusalem and all Judea and the entire region along the Jordan kept going out to him and were being baptized in the Jordan River by him, openly acknowledging their sins.

Matthew 3:5-6

Advent is done, Jesus is on the scene, and the messages begins with repentance.

Then Jesus begins preaching with the same message:

From that time Jesus began proclaiming this message: “Repent! For the Kingdom of Heaven is drawing near!”

Matthew 4:17

Advent opens the stage for the first step of salvation. Jesus' message of salvation, hope, and mercy begins with a call for honest repentance. Then His cross and resurrection made all the difference for the ending of our stories—we can receive full forgiveness and be partakers of His coming Kingdom!

So I'm entering the Advent season enjoying the beauty of white lights, floppy Christmas hats, anticipation, carols (!), but I'm also beginning it with a heart crying out to my Father in repentance and asking Him to reveal any sin in me first.

Because Advent means "coming"... both His first coming as a babe to bring hope of salvation, but we also eagerly await His second Advent when Jesus will reign as King. That Day will be one of justice, punishment, of the wrath of God being poured out because no sinful thing may enter His Kingdom.

But for those who confess their sin and put their trust in Jesus, the second Advent is pure restoration. Ah, that's also tidings of comfort and joy!

For if you acknowledge your allegiance with your lips by professing Jesus as Lord, and have faith in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.

Romans 10:9

If we are willing to confess our sins, however, God is faithful, yes, and true to his name, and so will forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from every kind of wickedness.

1 John 1:9

Today, in the middle, we're invited to "come to the Jordan" in a sense, and that's a joy of Advent! We have an open invitation to forgiveness... just like the villains in my story are invited to repentance, change... until it's too late.

And that's part of the huge love of God: He is waiting, giving every soul time to follow Him!

Sometimes I wonder how much the waiting—while people suffer—hurts His own heart.

That's why I love writing the endings of books, because at last, the character walks in truth and sees the reward of the hardships and trials that wove through their story, and there's reward, rest, restoration!

But their middles determine what their endings are.

I feel Jesus calling me to examine my life and receive forgiveness. To get serious about sin and not let it linger. To come to Him in repentance and walk in a life of forgiven, powerful grace. And then embrace Advent.

That's a beauty and hope as we start Advent.

So happy beginning of December, friend! ♥ May we walk in peace, humility, and unity with our King Jesus until the Day He comes home.

~♥~

This is How You Endure as a Disciple

The start of autumn used to depress me.

I watched frost fall on our flower beds, and petals glowed brilliantly silver in the first rays of sun... then melted to mushy deadness.

Gardens died. Trees wept their leaves.

Then God beautifully changed my vision by showing me the richness of fall, and now He calls me to take it a step further and believe it about the Christian life too:

If I'm called to die, can I rejoice?

It begins with this truth:

When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

 

This summer, I wrestled to surrender everything to Jesus.

I've lived in that freedom, and it was beautiful to have Jesus as my sole treasure, my one thing, but surrender doesn't seem to be a one-and-done process; it's continual.

And it's so good to live a life of continual surrender to our King.

But I've grown tired at times. I've let things slip - instead desiring comfort, safety, normality. And this summer, God stirred me up to remember those times of radical obedience and to pray for it again.

To share the Gospel at every opportunity. To give freely. To live without fear. To pour out even if to receive nothing back again. To have a predetermined "yes" to Jesus. To work for Jesus alone. To be willing to suffer for Him.

To let sinful desires die and Jesus live in my life.

At times though, I looked at the death of self like I used to see the death of fall - a bleak, painful, long process. I missed the promised spring at the end.

I read, "take up your cross" and missed what's right after.

Today, I grabbed my Bible and read that account, and what comes after the sacrifice, after this age, is beyond beautiful! I challenge you to read this. If you get nothing else, this is what matters, and the Word of God changes everything. Chew on it, meditate on it, let it sink into you.

 

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If someone wants to be a disciple of Mine, he must deny himself and take up his cross and continue coming along with Me. If someone is set on saving his life, you see, he will lose it. If someone is prepared to lose his life because of Me, however, he will gain it. Is it really worth it for a person if he gains even all the riches in the world, yet forfeits his very life? Or what can a person give in return for his life? The Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father with His angels, you see, and at that time He will 'repay each person according to his deeds.' Amen, I solemnly tell you this: There are some standing right here who will certainly not experience death while they have a glimpse of 'the Son of Man coming' with His Kingdom."

Matthew 16:24-28

 

 

Did you catch that? Jesus says a disciple of His must lose their life, take up their cross, deny himself, and follow Him.

It's pursuing Him so much that we'll risk losing anything to gain Him.

It's a love and loyalty for Jesus being our one thing. There's a beautiful reward at the end, the prize that a disciple has her eyes on and will run to attain!

Right after the passage above, Jesus has this beautiful transfiguration in Matthew 17, and it reminds me of an early glimpse of what He's promised: to come in the glory of His Father as the ultimate King, punish all evil, destroy death, and then bring His reward.

That's why I love autumn: the frosty death points to the coming newness of spring.

And suffering for the disciple simply points to a coming restoration, reward, and complete healing when Jesus returns!

That's why we endure! That's why we hold on! That's why we surrender our entire lives to discover Jesus, because He is our ultimate Prize!

I still balk sometimes, and I pray so hard that Jesus would enable me to be a disciple. I pray He would give me strength to pick up my cross and follow Him. When it feels like a burden too heavy for me to carry, you can find me,

casting upon Him all your cares, because He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7 

And then it's light.

I've learned that good isn't the same as easy. Sometimes, following Jesus is hard, but it's so good. And then with His comfort and fellowship and future hope, is hard really that hard?

I love reading magazines by Voice of the Martyrs about believers who risk everything for Jesus... and the forgiveness and joy that comes is radically lovely.

So I'm learning the joy of surrender and that to rejoice in trials leads to patient endurance (James 1), which is so beautiful because the longing of my soul is to endure until that Day of restoration.

 

in the hope that, by any means possible, I will share in the resurrection from the dead.

Philippians 3:11

 

I encourage you: seek Jesus as your Treasure. Desire Him so much that you'll lay your life down as a living sacrifice.

Let love lead to loyalty, trials spur us to endurance, and the promised reward be what we seek to attain.

Let's kill sinful desires and let Jesus live in us.

 

The Spirit himself bears joint witness with our spirit that we are children of God. If we are children, moreover, we are also heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with the Messiah—if, in fact, we share in the Messiah’s sufferings, so that we may also share in His glory. 

In this regard, I am certain that the sufferings of this present age can’t even be compared to the glory that will be revealed with respect to us.

Romans 8:16-18

~♥~