Hadassah's Story || Living Courageously for God

I'm in the most beautiful place in the world, but I wish I could run from it. Hide from it. I wish I could tear these tapestries off the walls and hide under them, turn them into the forest canopies where I was safe, a child.

When I was Hadassah, I was safe. No one knew me. I meandered through Sushan's market places and waded through cool watersides, and no one knew my name. They saw me, and I was gone. I played then. I laughed. I was free.

Yet my name changed. I am Esther now, a queen.

But these marble floors are cold, even through my leather sandals. I curl my toes, but the painted ends feel like ice.

My whole body's ice.

Arched ceilings that took decades to establish. The scent of lavender and perfumes that make me choke. The way my silk dress hangs heavy on my shoulders, cold against my bare legs. And the tiara, it seems to pierce my skull and mock me.

A million girls would want to be me. To be the strong and beautiful Esther they thought I was. I'm a queen. It's perfection.

I could laugh in their faces.

My fingers touch the closed door. It's hard, wooden, and swept with intricate designs. I want to bang them with my fists or crawl between the slivers caused by a knife's blade and hide. Never be found.

My husband's behind the doors. He is royal and holds the power of nations. And he says he loves me.

Then why hasn't he called me these many days? Why has it been a month since he even wanted to see me?

Maybe he forgot me.

My hand drops. I touch my tiara, edged in diamonds, but it's cold too. My back leans against the wall, brushing the tapestries hemmed in a dozen colors. I fall. Cover my face.

My shoulders shake. I want this to be someone else's life. I never asked to be queen. I never asked to be noticed. I just wanted joy. Life. Beauty. Someone to love me.

First it was Daddy to leave me, then Mommy. I remember crying then, but my cousin took me in. And now I was stolen from him too.

And I have to do the impossible.

My chin lifts, teardrops lingering in my eyes. I inhale. Exhale.

Standing, I tap at my moist cheeks. Sparkly powder meet my fingers. My shoulders lift, eyes narrow.

People would say I was courageous - Esther. Others would call me crazy for thinking I, Hadassah, could do anything. I'm more the latter. I'm still a child.

Hadassah is scared and small and wanted someone to save her. Esther is bold and brave and beautiful.

Somehow, I'm both persons. I can't fight. But the One within me can.

My eyes lift, a silent prayer.

I am alone, and now I will go before a King and maybe die.

But I am loved. I am strong.

God is here, here in this beautiful room that scares me so much. And with Him, I'll live or die. Queen or commoner, I am loved. Hadassah or Esther, I am His.

And He is King of Kings.

Go, gather all the Jews who are present in Shushan, and fast for me... and so I will go to the king, which is against the law; and if I perish, I perish!

- Esther 4:16

Ready to explore more of Hadassah's story? Here's a worksheet for you!

Click Here!

~♥~