Why Self-Love is so Dangerous

I walk across the gravel driveway beside my 4-year-old sister.  Her fingers are wrapped in mine.  Grabbing shoes is much too hard, so instead we limp across the sharp rocks and laugh as they poke our bare-feet.  The sun shines hot, but a breeze pushes away the sweat that clings to our faces.  When we reach my sister's favorite place, I turn to climb up the ladder.  Slides and swings, monkey-bars and climbing walls are before us.  My sister's face lights up.

"Baby T," I call her by her special nickname, smiling as I ask her a question, "how can someone be happy?"

She's clamoring across the playground and doesn't even look at me.  "We just do whatever we want."

I chew on my cheek as we start playing, because her answer is so simple, yet so wrong.  It's the reason why Christians often become self-focused.  And it's the opposite of what God calls us to do.

Somehow, my 4-year-old sister already believes in self-love and is falling to its dangers.

The Definition


Self-love has many different definitions, but it comes down to the same overarching theme:  "the desire for one’s own happiness and well-being, the love of self."

In short, self-love is when we choose to focus on ourselves.  It's akin to selfishness and something we'll probably fight for the rest of our lives if we choose to live for Christ.

And it is the opposite of what the Bible teaches.

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’  This is the first and great commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’"

- Matthew 22:37-39

First - love God.  And second - love others.  There's not a third option.

Advocates of self-love claim that, “in order to be able to truly love another person, a person first needs to love oneself…” (see this article). But the Bible states that we love others because He loves us (John 13:34-35). It all stems from our relationship with Christ.

So where does self-love come in?  How does "me time" fit into the Gospel?

I don't believe it does.


The Truth

Recently, I've been reading Mark, and a particular theme has caught my attention.  Over and over again Jesus taught His disciples the truth to greatness.  And they continually forgot and failed.

"If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all."

- Mark 9:35 

"Whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant.  And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all.  For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

- Mark 10:43-45

The Gospel is about sacrificial love.  It's about a love so profound that we would give our lives for it. It's about a King who left His throne to save us because He loved us that much. We become servants.

We become last so that we can find a treasure so much greater.

Dear Friend, we'll be hated and persecuted for His name (Matthew 10:22).  Being a Christian isn't about being safe.  It's not about sitting in our comfort zones with our Bibles.  If we live, we live to the Lord (Romans 14:8).  Not for ourselves.  Not for our safety or comfort or pleasure.

Self-love tears our eyes off of our eternal goal.  Christians are to live in humility as servants of God.  We're supposed to live radically yet be willing to get no reward, no honor, no name.  Because Christ is enough.

That doesn't mean we go the other extreme and hate ourselves.  This is not what Christ has for us!  Rather, followers of Christ should see themselves as Christ does.  We are redeemed.  We are beloved.  We are His special treasures.  Friend, you are made in the very image of God, and Christ loves you so much that He literally left everything to die for you.  There isn't a greater romance than that!

Your flaws, your weaknesses, your fear, none of them can separate you from the love of God.  Don't ever give up.  You are so loved.

But don't let that distract you from our true purpose.  Yes, we are treasured, but if we understand what that love really means, it will push us to sacrifice ourselves and live completely for Him  (read Philippians 2:3-4)  Loving ourselves can keep us from the radical plans God has for us.


Real Life

So what does this look like practically?

There are many forms of self-love:  "me time", pushing aside ministry because it's draining, binging on social media, books, or movies, focusing on our appearances.

Christ calls us to greater things.

Yesterday, I found myself falling to selfishness without even realizing it.  I had the chance to spend my evening loving my siblings or doing a sewing project by myself.  And I chose the latter.

It's not that being alone is wrong.  The problem is that I chose to serve myself.  I wasn't loving anyone other than me.  I wasn't sewing to love Christ more; I did it merely to produce something for myself.

On the contrary, in Christ we find our rest and satisfaction in spending time with Him and in serving with Him.  We read, watch movies, speak words, and live every aspect of life to bring Him glory.

It's okay to relax and take a break, but make sure that every thing you do is done to bring a smile to His face.  We aren't Christians one minute and ourselves the next.  We are either all in or all out.  And when we are drained, I've discovered that Jesus is truly all we need.

Look to Jesus for your joy.  Not anything else.

Self-love is rejecting Jesus and putting "me" on the throne of your heart.  It turns you into an idol.

Dear Friend, I challenge you to wake up every morning and live to promote Jesus.  Live to love Jesus and others.  Being happy doesn't come from doing whatever you want, like my little sister thought on the playground or like I exhibited when I chose sew instead of love my siblings.  Joy comes from turning your eyes upon Jesus.

So what about you?  Is self-love something you struggle with?  How can we change our focus from ourselves to Jesus?  Or perhaps you disagree with my thoughts here; do you find examples of self-love promoted in the Bible?  Let's discuss together in the comments.

And if you're wanting to study deeper, here are two articles I recommend:

What does the Bible say about self-love, loving self?

5 Reasons I'm Ditching the "Me Time" Mentality

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.

- Romans 12:1

~♥~