Battle Plan for Fear (+ Story Snippets!)

 

My little sister sits at the top of “big slide”, two year-old fat-rolls on her legs, and she peers into the dark.

I wait at the bottom.

“Ready, Neena?” She calls to me, making sure I’m there.

I answer her, but she waits, hesitates. Her blue eyes widen.

“Scared.” She stands, backs away from the dark hole of “big slide.” “Neena, I scared.”

So I climb up, hold her on my lap, and we slide together, bodies tight. At the bottom, we laugh.

“See how fun it is?”

She nods and runs to the ladder, scrambles up with eager eyes, reaches the top of the slide again. But then she slows, shoulders fall, and she says it again. “Neena, I scared.”

I smile. “It’s going to be so fun! I’m ready to catch you, baby!”

She slides.

And then a hundred more times.

The fear disappears, and she asks me to take her to the “big slide” every single day.

Because the fear was that I was asking too much of her. That she’d get hurt. That she couldn’t trust me. But when she did, all that vanished. She trusted, and fear turned to excitement.

Now I have to convince her to stop sliding.  =)

You know if you’re afraid. You know what keeps you up at night worrying. And that single idea or person or situation is the very thing you’re not willing to trust Jesus with.

Because fear comes when you don’t think God can handle something or you’re not sure His handling of it will be what you want.

And there’s a three-word solution:

trust. surrender. Jesus.

It reminds me of a scene in The Torch Keepers, the allegorical fantasy novel God lead me to write. Chapter 9 is one of my favorites, added later in the editing process because it was just this simple yet precious picture of our relationship with Jesus. The scene starts with Ka-Dara experiencing her first thunderstorm.

Something rumbled, like when my tummy made funny noises, but this was deeper. It began low and then got louder.

And then a crash. Light lit up the room, pale and yellow…

“They-They’re gonna get us.” I whimpered between sobs. “Like they got me and Ka-Mama. They’ll burn everything and kill us.”

… “My child,” he said, “You are safe. Nothing can touch you when I am here. You must trust.”

My jaw quivered. “but they took away my daddy and mama.”

He nodded, and a shadow came across his forehead. “Your King has a plan. He has a purpose.”

“I don’t think—,” I hesitated, chewing on the back of my knuckles. “I don’t like His plan very much.” I looked up quickly. “Is that super bad?”

Lines creased his face. “The King still loves you.” He stood. “Let me show you, my child.”

He still held me in his arms as he walked toward the door. Opening it slowly, the outside world met us in a breath of cold air. The flashing light had gone, but the loud pounding continued. In the light of the fire, I saw the enemy—only drops of water falling onto the roof.

The rumbling sounded, but it was far away. Father smiled. “This is a rain storm, and you are safe.”

…I blinked and giggled. “I like this rain,” I said. “It’s fun.”

He rubbed water off my forehead. “The King made it for you. He knew you’d dance in it. He knew you’d love it.”

My mouth gaped. “Really? How’d he know?”

“He just does,” Father said. “He loves you.”

I grew serious. “Does the King know I was scared of his rain?”

“Yes.” He nodded soberly. “But that’s okay. A lot of people’s fears are silly when they realize it. But the King knows, and he loves anyway.”

“Big people too?”

“Especially big people.”                

 

Dear friend, just a reminder for me, for you.

The King knows our fear, and He loves just the same. And that beautiful Love vanquishes, casts out fear.

That’s an incredible place—where our fear, anxieties, are drowned in His perfect love. And when we trust Him and surrender to His will, it’s glorious.

Make the decision to trust. Rest in His love.

That relationship is all that matters.

 

You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

They are of the world. Therefore they speak as of the world, and the world hears them. 

We are of God. He who knows God hears us; he who is not of God does not hear us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error.

- 1 John 4:4-6

For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

- 1 John 5:4-5

~♥~

The Word that Altered Forever

In the beginning, that Word was spoken.

And galaxies spun. Butterflies flashed color in a world void of those hues only moments ago. The first smile. The first roar. The first shooting star.

It was like a song, everything dancing to its tune, the Word that began life intricate.

When darkness and light first twirled together, when sounds twisted in harmonies, when smells erupted from a new earth, the aromas of moist soil and budding flowers and soft fur. And with it, laughter, a melody all in itself.

But sometimes I forget, the Word didn't only start life, it continues too.

I see glimpses of it in every day. The force beyond myself, something deep stirring, flowing, gathering up like mountains of water.

A breath - when I hear the popping of canning jars, sealing by some hand beyond my own.

A sound - when plants peek their heads above soil, fruits full of juice that appear on the branches, in the bushes, and it's because of something deeper than us. The corn tassels, golden brown, and vegetables that litter our countertop, and it's all because of that Word.

An echo - tiny miracles, like a littering of tadpoles in the watering trough, like that lone minnow found all alone in the creek, and yet even those are known and taken care of by His hand.

Sunflowers first in bloom in this beautiful July sunshine, and they rotate and follow the rays. And somehow, as I slip out of bed earlier than the others, I find that hint of sun on the edge of the horizon, and I watch it tickle the grass for the first time that day. Noon makes sweat line my lips, and my hair sticks to my skin. As the day cools, I still see light, falling away in the west, and clouds are pink and soft and bubbly.

I want to be like the sunflowers, following the rays, seeing the Word all around me.

When noon comes, and I sweat and grow hot and forget the morning's glory, I want to keep my face up like those flowers, sink my roots deep, listen for His music.

There's beauty to be found. Always. 

Jesus was the Word, and He is, still. He set the world in motion, the stars in place, and He still holds today.

And deep inside, I pray that Word, Jesus, settles in, becomes the entity of who I am. That the force that established the heavens is my simple heart melody, the steps that I take. That my lips repeat His song, that I see His works all around me.

So I'll awake with the sunrise, savor the first stars and that planet that tinges the horizon. I'll think of Him as I slip through the gardens, nibble on the blackberry's tart juice, stand under spotted shade as I fill the cows' trough, see tadpoles.

And remember that it's a relationship. It's me and Him, us. That's the beauty.

The Word is everything.

And I'll sing His song.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made.  In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.

- John 1:1-5

 

That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, concerning the Word of life—the life was manifested... we write to you that your joy may be full.

- 1 John 1:-2, 4

 

~♥~

She Walks Down the Aisle || a short story

The Aisle trickles before me. 

The pathway is a ribbon, edged in white, inside painted green with the grassy clover that sweeps to both sides, meeting the trees, then up, canopy. They’re like castle walls, this path is the drawbridge, and I hear crocodiles on both sides. 

But when I stand here, feet on gravel, at the edge of the path before me, I can see it all. 

The road I’ll walk in the morning, Father by my side, me in white, my groom waiting. This moment I’ve dreamed of. 

Yet now, as the party disperses, night settles, I’m walking down it before. 

There’s a dripping in the trees, the kiss of today’s misty rain. Fireflies blink, syncopation. I smell wet mud, grass, the flowery perfume of the wedding party gone moments ago from the rehearsal. 

It’s different now. I wear exercise shorts in neon pink, a thin shirt hanging on my shoulders. My hair falls in messy curls that frizz from the rain. 

I cross my arms, tight. 

Because here, on this gravel, I’m safe. I can just live life. I can keep going the way I always have, change nothing. 

The first step to the Aisle, into that rich grass, changes everything. 

And it’s growing darker. The path leads deeper into the forests’ shadows. I hear the raindrops falling. Crickets pick up their song, noisy bugs and frogs joining in the twilight reverie. 

I can see the pathway until it curves around the trees. The rest is imagination. 

I shiver. It’s silly, but I imagine bears or cougars in the night, I think of the reasons why I shouldn’t walk down tonight; I could wait for tomorrow when light and people make it safe, easy. When my fiancé stands before me, watching me in silky dress, blushing cheeks. 

I hear my Lover whisper. 

And I take the first step.

Clover curls around the dirty shoes I wear. I feel mud squish down. Raindrops tickle my hair. 

My heart thunders like a storm, and I’m scared to go forward and scared to go back. I want Him so badly, and yet that surrender and falling into His arms leaves me vulnerable. Open. Bare like a newborn child, crying for his mother because, without her, he is utterly helpless. 

Another step. 

I slide in mud, body shakes to steady myself. 

Step.

A branch falls in the trees, I jerk, stare, then turn my eyes back towards the Aisle and inhale deep. 

As I walk, it’s this decision to abandon everything for a Person. Tomorrow it will be for the man who captured my heart, the man who makes me laugh, who knows my secrets, who wants to live the rest of his life with me as his own. My heart quickens. 

But tonight, it’s more. 

It’s leaving myself utterly behind to be joined to a King who declares me forgiven, holy, beloved. It’s me becoming nothing so that He can make me His own, give me His life to live, and ever be by my side. 

Nothing can separate me from this Lover. 

He is the embrace when my heart hurts deeper than anyone else can know. He is the hope I grab when I want to give up, to run, to hide from it all. He is the joy when I see the sunrise mixed with morning fog, the first spring rainbows, the stars shooting across the heavens, and He gives every one of those good gifts. 

He makes me laugh hardest. He knows my deepest secrets. He wants to live the rest of forever with me as His own. 

And that’s why I step, trembling, my legs with raised goosebumps and neon shorts tinged with drops. 

But the best thing—this Lover walks down the Aisle with me. 

I’m scared. He holds my hand, and I feel His presence in the last bird song. 

I slip, straighten, and we laugh—together. 

Tomorrow the mud will be dry, tables set, but today is somehow more beautiful. 

The sun sets behind me, and I see the glow through misty fog, slight orange reflected in the trees. The Aisle turns a corner, and tables are set up, cloths pulled up above to keep off the rain. I see knobby chair legs and the remains of tonight’s dinner that will be cleaned up as the sun rises. 

And the Arch. 

Rising before us, me and Him, the two tree trunks meeting and the cross high above interwoven. Tomorrow there’ll be flowers too, gold and purple hues, but tonight it’s just the rustic wood, the reminder of us. 

And at the Arch, I’m alone but not alone. I still shiver, still glance into the forest, but He gently turns my chin up, and I exhale. My breath meets twilight. 

I kneel in moist leaves mixed with new grass. 

Forehead touches the soil. 

And surrender all to this One who loves more than any other, to the One who is ever good, to the One who wills me to take His life, His goodness, His love, and live it. 

My name is changed. I become His. 

For in this holy moment, it’s not just a kiss and then life goes on. It’s a forever that is just beginning and will go on till the end of the age and then further. 

Here, a Prince took a peasant and made her a Princess. 

She’s me. 

I raise my eyes towards the misty sky, tinge of grey and orange and blue, and, for that moment, I forget the shadows and dangers because I’m enraptured by the Lover who has me in His arms. 

Everything changes. 

Tomorrow, I’ll do it again for the man whose ring I wear, but tonight I seal my heart to the heavenly One who called us together in the first place. 

We love because He first loved us. 

I stand, wipe mud off my legs, shake the shirt that hangs loose on my shoulders. As the first stars appear and try to peek through the atlas of clouds, I walk back up the Aisle. 

But things changed. 

I’m not myself. I’m bought with a price. I’m beloved. I’m His. 

So this time, I skip. I run. And I don’t care if I slip because life is beautiful, and it’s His.

                                     

Dear Friend,

This is a little story to remind you, me, that we're being pursued, loved. Jesus is seeking your heart, and He bids us surrender all and follow Him. Like the wedding day that changes everything in a beauty we dream of, we now get to share our everything with Jesus as we surrender our mistakes, sins, fears, and take on His life. And that's why we rejoice.  ♥

*hugs*

 

​Seek the LORD while He may be found,

Call upon Him while He is near.

Let the wicked forsake his way,

And the unrighteous man his thoughts;

Let him return to the LORD,

And He will have mercy on him;

And to our God,

For He will abundantly pardon...

For you shall go out with joy​​,

And be lead out with peace.

- Isaiah 55:6-7, 12

~♥~